Season 3 Episode Guide

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“The Invasion” Episode #9801

Directed by Will Mackenzie
Written by Ellen Sandler

When Ray’s house is tented for termites, he moves his entire family into his parent’s house and gives Frank and Marie a taste of their own medicine. Marie’s initial excitement that “Raymond has come home!” quickly fades when the world’s greatest home intruders start to feel intruded upon. Sensing her in-laws’ growing frustration with the disturbance of their daily routine, Debra decides to have a little fun at their expense and “help them” like they always claim to be “helping her” — until she and Ray realize that once again, they just can’t win the game.

Exterminator………………………..Matthew Kimbrough
TV Announcer……………………..Philioppe Benichou

“Driving Frank” Episode #9802

Directed by Will Mackenzie
Written by Cindy Chupak

After Frank has one accident too many, Debra decides that the kids can’t ride with him anymore, which makes Raymond realize that his dad is getting older. Not only did Frank back into Robert’s patrol car, but further investigation reveals that his driver’s license is expired! Uncomfortable with the fact the he’s not a safe driver anymore, Debra decides she doesn’t want the kids in his car. But the most uncomfortable part for Ray is thinking about the fact that his parents are really getting older — and unsafe driving is only the beginning of the journey.

“The Sitter” Episode #9803

Directed by Will Mackenzie
Written by Lew Schneider

Feeling overwhelmed with her responsibilities, Debra decides to get a babysitter. But when Lisa, the babysitter, becomes the smash hit at “Space Station Barone” with her alien-catching games and endless energy, Debra develop into a jealous mother. To become the kids’ favorite again, Debra replaces the babysitter with Grandma and disaster ensues when Marie sprains her ankle and Ray uncovers Debra’s secret plot. But by that time, Lisa has been stolen by the Parker family and Bill Parker kicks Ray out of the car pool when he tires to woo her back.

“Getting Even” Episode #9804

Directed by Steve Zuckerman
Written by Steve Skrovan

After Raymond begrudgingly agrees to be the auctioneer at the Our Lady of Faith School auction for new playground equipment, he’s pleasantly surprised with the laughs he gets at Debra’s expense. Debra warns him that she’s going to get even, and then retracts her threat, but it’s too late for Ray — he’s convinced of a conspiracy and terrified of soda in his face, Ben Gay in his shorts or ex-lax in his brownies. Eventually, Debra is able to get her message across — without having to resort to any of those tactics.

Celebrity……………………………….John Daly

“Halloween Candy” Episode #9805

Directed by Steve Zuckerman
Written by Steve Skrovan

After Debra suggests that she might be more consistently romantic if she weren’t in charge of the birth control, Ray decides to make the drastic move of “cutting the wires.” But after a discussion with Robert, and other top “medical experts” he chickens out, but does muster enough bravery to go to the drugstore and buy “the stuff.” He even goes crazy and splurges on “the rainbow pack” but the plan for Halloween romance goes awry when Grandpa distributes the “chocolate coins in brightly colored wrappers” that he found to the remaining trick-or-treaters in the neighborhood.

Andy……………………………….Andy Kindler
Angelina…………………………..Tina Arning
Nemo……………………………….Joseph V. Perry
Sally Parker………………………Tess Oakland
Dracula…………………………….Vinnie Buffolino
Carrie Parker……………………..Elizabeth Herring

“The Visit” Episode #9806

Directed by Richard Marion
Written by Susan Van Allen

When Debra’s mother comes to visit the family for a week, Debra finds herself shocked to discover that she wishes her mom were more like Marie. Debra’s highly anticipated week of “quality time” with her mom, Lois, and the family quickly turns into a big disappointment when her mother seems more interested in the Renoir exhibit and her crossword puzzles than in Debra, Ray and the children. When her frustration with Lois’ disinterest reaches a boiling point, Debra makes the mistake of blurting out that she wishes her mother were more like Marie. Then she has the unfortunate double trouble of making amends with her mom — and dealing not only with Marie’s glee, but also with her claim that she deserves credit for teaching Debra parenting skills.

Lois………………………………Katherine Helmond

“Moving Out” Episode #9807

Directed by Will Mackenzie
Written by Tucker Cawley

Feeling pathetic because he lives with his parents, Robert finally musters up the courage to move out on his own. Encouraged by Ray, and much to his parents’ horror, Robert packs up his bags, takes his dog and moves into a garage apartment. But the move affects the family more than they anticipated. They feel the absence of their relationship “buffer.” As Debra describes it, “He’s like.the lead apron at the dentist.” Meanwhile, Robert enjoys his newfound freedom, until Raymond comes to visit and points out that the older couple with whom he is living are really carbon copies of their own parents — from whom he was trying to get away.

Amy………………………………..Monica Horan
Rita Stipe…………………………Anna Berger
Harry Stipe………………………David Byrd

“The Article” Episode #9808

Directed by Will Mackenzie
Written by Tom Caltabiano

It has always been Raymond’s life long dream to get an article published in Sports Illustrated. So when his friend Andy, the “stat guy” and novice sportswriter, sells a piece to the magazine, Ray is devastated. Instead of being happy for Andy, he’s only unhappy for himself. But things get even worse when Debra points out that he’s being self-centered. Then his father agrees and adds that he’s always been an “attention pig,” leaving Ray to deal with his newly discovered self image.

Andy………………………………Andy Kindler

“The Lone Barone” Episode #9809

Directed by Will Mackenzie
Written by Tom Caltabiano and Jeremy Stevens

Raymond is in a bad mood. Forced to wait home all day for the delivery guy to bring Debra’s new curtains, he can’t go out and play golf and laments to his brother that marriage is like a prison. So when Amy breaks up with Robert after he says he cannot commit right now, everyone blames Raymond for ruining his brother’s life.

Amy……………………………….Monica Horan
Doug Heffernan……………….Kevin James

“No Fat” Episode #9810

Directed by Steve Zuckerman
Written by Ellen Sandler and Susan Van Allen

Since Debra’s parents will be out of the country on Thanksgiving Day — in Turkey — Debra, Ray and the kids make plans to spend the holiday at Frank and Marie’s house. But their dreams of turkey with sausage stuffing and yams with marshmallows on top are quickly shattered by Marie’s new heart-healthy diet. After she gets her hands on “101 Healthy Things To Do in the Kitchen,” life as the Barones have known it seems to be gone.

Delivery Person…………………….Joe Durrenberger

“The Apartment” Episode #9811

Directed by Steve Zuckerman
Written by Kathy Ann Stumpe

Everywhere Ray looks, beautiful, sexy women are coming out of the woodwork to stop by and say “hi” to new tenant Robert. It’s the best looking “welcome wagon” Ray has ever seen. Unbeknownst to Debra, who believes him when he tells her that the brotherly visits are an attempt to cheer up a lonely, homesick Robert, Ray is having the time of his life pretending to live the carefree life of a bachelor– that is, until Debra shows up unexpectedly.

Sandy……………………………Janelle Paradee
Michelle………………………….Betsy Monroe
Jessica………………………….Kelly Rebecca Walsh

“The Toaster” Episode #9812

Directed by Steve Zuckerman
Written by Philip Rosenthal

Ray is overjoyed by the reaction he is getting from friends and family who received a personalized “Barone” toaster from him as a gift — even Debra’s pretentious parents are thrilled with it. But, having heard nothing from his parents, Ray confronts Frank and Marie, the two people whose approval matters most, and is amazed beyond belief to hear what they did with the gift — and then what they resort to in order to get it back.

Warren Whelan………………………Robert Culp
Lois Whelan…………………………..Katherine Helmond
Exchange Lady………………………P.B. Hutton
Elderly Lady…………………………..Peggy Doyle
Leann…………………………………..Drenda Spohnholtz
Sales Clerk……………………………Phillip Abrams

“Pants on Fire” Episode #9813

Directed by Will Mackenzie
Written by Tucker Cawley

When Marie discovers that Ray held an unchaperoned, wild party at their home some 20 years ago, she is hurt and disappointed that her beloved Ray would have lied to her. Unable to forgive or forget, Marie can no longer put Ray on a pedestal. He’s been bumped for big brother Robert — and it’s killing Ray.

Drunk Kid………………………..Bradley Warden

“Ping Pong” Episode #9814

Directed by Will Mackenzie
Written by Aaron Shure

When Marie discovers that Ray held an unchaperoned, wild party at their home some 20 years ago, she is hurt and disappointed that her beloved Ray would have lied to her. Unable to forgive or forget, Marie can no longer put Ray on a pedestal. He’s been bumped for big brother Robert — and it’s killing Ray.

“Robert’s Date” Episode #9815

Directed by Will Mackenzie
Written by Jeremy Stevens

Robert’s entire demeanor changes when he starts clubbing with his patrol partner, Judy, and her friends. When he starts using expressions such as “This is so whack” and “I’m down with it” and showing up in mustard colored suits, Ray and the rest of the family find it hard to believe the extent to which Robert will go to fit in with his new friends.

Judy……………………………Sherri Shepard
Sareesa………………………Shelly Robertson

“Frank’s Tribute” Episode #9816

Directed by Will Mackenzie
Written by Eric Cohen

Frank is elected “Man of the Year” down at the Lodge and a reluctant Ray and Robert are enlisted to prepare his tribute. When they show up at the Lodge to interview Frank’s friends for the testimonial video, they’re more than a little shocked by the intense passion behind the guy’s comments about their father — but it’s nothing compared to the outrageous reaction when Frank views the tribute for himself.

Garvin……………………………Len Lesser
Stan………………………………Victor Radier-Wexler
Milt………………………………..Charles C. Stevenson, Jr.
Abe………………………………John David Conti
Guy………………………………TR Richards
Man #1………………………….Fred Ornstein
Man #2………………………….Greg Lewis
Man #3………………………….Lou Charloff
Man #4………………………….Allan Lurie
Man #5………………………….Jack Axelrod
Man #6………………………….John Spaulding
Man #7………………………….Ancel Cook
Man #8………………………….Stuart Gold
Man #9………………………….Al Eben
Man #10………………………..Murray Rubin

“Cruising With Marie” Episode #9817

Directed by Richard Marion
Written by Steven Skrovan and Susan Van Allen

Just as Frank and Marie are about to embark on a high seas vacation, Frank hurts his knee and Ray, not wanting to disappoint his mother, agrees to accompany her on the Caribbean cruise. It’s endless hours of shuffleboard and bingo and an extremely cramped cabin for two that can barely fit one. Could things get any worse for Ray? Marie, meanwhile, is having the time of her life soaking every ounce of fun in the sun. And back home, Robert is just about out of patience as caretaker for the injured Frank.

Ted…………………………………Hiram Kasten
Walter…………………………….Jack Betts
Thelma……………………………Bobbie Norman
Mary Beth……………………….Sharon Houston
Merry Widow #1………………Beecey Carlson
Merry Widow #2………………Leigh Rose
Merry Widow #3……………..Jean Sincere
Merry Widow #4……………..Edie Warner

“Ray Home Alone” Episode #9818

Directed by Steve Zuckerman
Written by Tom Caltabiano, Tucker Cawley and Ray Romano

When Debra and the kids go away for the weekend, Ray is forced to confront the real reason he doesn’t want to stay home alone. What should have been a couple of days of bachelor living and freedom from responsibility for Ray instead turns into a harrowing experience — that can be traced all the way back to his childhood. Rather than enjoying the rare peace and solitude at his own home, Ray actually chooses to head across the street and spend time with Marie.

Doug Heffernan………………….Kevin James
Andy…………………………………Andy Kindler
Gianni……………………………….Joe Manfrellotti
Aileen……………………………….Leslie Windram

“Big Shots” Episode #9819

Directed by Steve Zuckerman
Written by Jason Gelles and Mike Haukom

Trying to impress Robert when they visit the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown, Ray uses his “weight” as a sports writer for Newsday to jump to the front of the line to meet the members of the ’69 Miracle New York Mets. Members of the ’69 World Champion Mets appear as themselves.

Police Officer……………………….Chip Heller
Security Guard…………………….Gene Arrington
Man #1………………………………..D’Wayne Gardner
Man #2………………………………..Harry Friedman
Man #3………………………………..John Fairlie
Waitress………………………………Valerie Dekeyser
Tommie Agee………………………..Himself
Jerry Grote…………………………..Himself
Bud Harrelson………………………Himself
Cleon Jones…………………………Himself
Ed Kranepool……………………….Himself
Tug McGraw………………………..Himself
Art Shamsky………………………..Himself
Ron Swoboda………………………Himself

 

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“Move Over” Episode #9820

Directed by Will Mackenzie
Written by Kathy Ann Stumpe

When Ray confides to Debra that her constant need to cuddle and “be on top of him” when they are sleeping is causing him too many sleepless nights, Debra is more than happy to comply with his request to give him his space in bed. Now, Ray is learning the hard way that you have to be careful what you wish for!

Father Hubley………………………..Charles Durning
Sally Parker……………………………Tess Oakland

“The Getaway” Episode #9821

Directed by Steve Zuckerman
Written by Cindy Chupak

Debra and Ray feel tremendous pressure to show each other a good time on a romantic weekend getaway in Vermont. From the moment they set foot in the quaint bed and breakfast, it’s apparent that Debra and Ray are trying a bit too hard for this to be a perfect weekend. Debra agrees to a tour of the Ben and Jerry ice cream factory while Ray suggests they check out a local antique fair. Meanwhile, Marie spies on Robert, who is left to babysit for the kids.

Amy…………………………….Monica Horan
Cecily…………………………..Lynn Milgrim
Bill……………………………….Rick Hall
Pam……………………………..Beth Skip

“Be Nice” Episode #9822

Directed by Steve Zuckerman
Written by Lew Schneider

When Ray babysits for the kids at the park and Debra sees how sweet and helpful he is towards the other mothers, she demands to know why she does not receive the same treatment. Ray, on the other hand, wants to know why Debra is always so critical of him. The solution — an experiment in trying to be more considerate and appreciative of each other. Meanwhile, Ray arrives at the waiting room of Dr. John Becker to pick up his friend Doug, who was hit by a foul ball at a Mets game that Ray covered for Newsday.

Lori…………………………….Mary Jo Keenan
Elise……………………………Stephanie Erb
Father #1…………………….Jonny Soloman
Father #2…………………….Jerry Lambert
Hilton Jacobs……………….Bill Cosby
Doug Heffernan……………Kevin James

“Working Girl” Episode #9823

Directed by Michael Zinberg
Written by Cindy Chupak and Kathy Ann Stumpe

When Debra gets a part-time job in the big city, an unhappy Ray is left to fend for himself — and Marie is left wondering what’s to become of the children, the house and her beloved son now that they will be neglected. However, Ray’s misguided attempt to be more supportive of Debra threatens to put an end to her career before it even starts.

Charlotte……………………….Julie Hagerty

“Dancing With Debra” Episode #9824

After Ray urges Debra to go swing dancing with Robert (letting himself off the hook), he can’t believe how infatuated the two become with their new hobby — and it’s starting to tick him off. Meanwhile, Ray sees a side of Marie that he never fully expected.

Gianni…………………………..Jon Manfrellotti
Kristin…………………………..Jill Zimmerman

“Robert Moves Back” Episode #9825

Directed by Brian K. Roberts
Written by Lew Schneider and Aaron Shure

When Robert and Amy get caught alone by some of Robert’s fellow apartment tenants, they are desperate to find someplace, any place, where they can have some time to themselves. Ray comes to the rescue, at Debra’s urging, by allowing Robert to move into their basement for awhile. But, when caught again, by someone even more intimidating – – the couple is mortified.

Amy……………………………..Monica Horon

“How They Met” Episode #9826

Directed by Gary Halvorson
Written by Ray Romano and Philip Rosenthal

Memories of how they first met flood back when Ray and Debra prepare Ally for her first play date with a little boy. The first time Ray and Debra laid eyes on each other; their first kiss; the first time Marie met her future daughter-in-law (and what she thought of her!); and the first time Ray sampled Debra’s cooking are all revealed. It’s a flashback episode as Ray and Debra reminisce about their fateful first meeting 15 years before.

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