Season 1 Episode Guide

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“Pilot” Episode #9601

Directed by Michael Lembeck
Written by Philip Rosenthal

Debra yearns for a peaceful and quiet birthday at home – – with just Raymond. So he tells his parents and brother that there’s no party. But Ray gets caught in a lie when his nosy parents and brother show up anyway and catch Raymond and Debra in a compromising position.

Kevin………………………….Kevin James
Andy………………………….Andy Kindler
Roy Firestone………………Himself
James Worthy……………..Himself

“I Love You” Episode #9602

Directed by Paul Lazarus
Written by Philip Rosenthal

Ray’s already in the dog house for not showing more affection, but Debra really gets mad when he talks about their problem with his parents. After Ray confesses that he can’t say “I love you,” the whole family goes overboard until Debra begs him not to share their personal problems with his family anymore.

Bernie………………………….Tom McGowan
Linda……………………………Maggie Wheeler
Suzy……………………………Susan Varon

“Frank, the Writer” Episode #9603

Directed by Paul Lazarus
Written by Tucker Cawley

When Frank gets a few anecdotes published in Reader’s Digest, he submits his writing samples to Ray’s editor, hoping to get his own column in the newspaper. Frank, feeling he has a new lease on life, convinces Ray to submit his story ideas for the column, which he plans to call “I Was Just Thinking.” Ray then has to break the news to his father that the editor thinks that Frank’s writing is the most embarrassing work he’s ever read.

Babysitter………………………………Yunoka Doyle
Japanese Woman……………………Kieu Chin

“I Wish I Were Gus” Episode #9604

Directed by Paul Lazarus
Written by Kathy Ann Stumpe

As Ray is giving the eulogy at his favorite uncle’s, Gus, funeral, his Aunt Alda arrives to rekindle a family feud. Aunt Alda and her sister Marie haven’t spoken since Ray and Debra’s wedding seven years ago, when Aunt Alda didn’t like where she was seated. Ray begs them both not to start trouble at the funeral, hoping that his eulogy about the importance of family will change their minds.

Aunt Alda……………………………Jean Stapleton
Funeral Director……………………Hugh Holub
Ancient Guy…………………………Carman Filpi
Audience Member…………………Joey Dente

“Standard Deviation” Episode #9605

Directed by Jeff Meyer
Written by Steve Skrovan

When Robert gives Ray and Debra an IQ test as part of his assignment for his criminal psychology class, the results incite subtle competition between them. Meanwhile, Robert informs Ray and Debra that they each scored higher than the other on the test so he can get their reactions for an experiment he is conducting for his class project.

“Look, Don’t Touch” Episode #9606

Directed by Jeff Meyer
Written by Lew Schneider

When Angelina, a waitress at Nemo’s, catches Ray’s eye, he has a lot of explaining to do to his wife, Debra – especially when Ray accidentally leaves his wallet at Nemo’s, and Angelina calls him at home to let him know she found it. But, because he feels guilty about his innocent attraction, Ray denies ever knowing her. When the situation is blown out of proportion by the Barone family, Debra decides to visit Nemo’s to see what all the fuss is about.

Angelina……………………………Tina Arning

“Your Place or Mine?” Episode #9607

Directed by Howard Storm
Written by Jeremy Stevens

When Ray’s parents stop speaking, Marie moves in with Ray and his family, while Frank enjoys bachelorhood. Debra visits Frank, who’s enjoying his life as a free man, and begs him to apologize to Marie – so her mother-in-law will get out of the house. Meanwhile, Ray, tired of his mother babying him, finally gets the courage to tell her to return home where she belongs, with someone she can really baby – – Frank.

“In-Laws” Episode #9608

Directed by Alan Kirschenbaum
Written by Philip Rosenthal

When Ray’s in-laws come for a visit, he begs his parents to be nice to them and accept their differences even though their lifestyles are worlds apart. Ray admits to his parents that he doesn’t always see eye to eye with Debra’s folks but manages to fake it – – and he’d like his parents to do the same when they all go out and try to have a family dinner. The request, however, proves to be a tall order for Frank and Marie.

Warren…………………………….Robert Culp
Lois…………………………………Katherine Helmond
Maitre’d……………………………Wayne C. Dvorak
Gerard…………………………….Richard Stegman

“Win, Lose or Draw” Episode #9609

Directed by Alan Kirschenbaum
Written by Kathy Ann Stumpe

Ray gets tired of being treated like a kid at his father’s poker game, so he ignores his father’s advice and ends up losing all his money. Debra wants Ray to act like a mature adult and ask Frank for his money back, but Ray is too stubborn. Meanwhile, it turns out that Frank was only trying to teach Ray a lesson – that you can always go to your father and he’ll make everything okay.

Garvin………………………….Len Lesser
Stan…………………………….Victor Raider-Wexler
Eddie……………………………Murray Rubin

“Captain Nemo” Episode #9610

Directed by Michael Lembeck
Written by Lew Schneider and Steve Skrovan

When Ray’s “free” time goes to coaching his basketball team in preparation for the Pizza League championships, he is reminded by Debra that their kids are growing up fast and he’s missing precious time with them. When Robert is forced out as captain of Nemo’s basketball team, Ray gets the title and the opportunity to lead his team to victory. Meanwhile Frank and Marie are upset with Ray for dethroning Robert as captain, and — feeling guilty — Ray begs Robert to re-join the team.

Andy…………………………….Andy Kindler
Kevin…………………………….Kevin James
Dave……………………………..Dave Attell
Tom………………………………Tom Paris

“Turkey or Fish” Episode #9611

Directed by Michael Lembeck
Written by Tucker Cawley

Although Marie has always cooked the traditional turkey for Thanksgiving, Debra decides it’s her turn to prepare the holiday meal. However, not wanting to compete with Marie’s turkey, she chooses to serve fish – which upsets the apple cart. Marie, feeling threatened when her family thinks Debra’s fish idea is perfectly acceptable, decides to bring her own turkey to the dinner party to prove she’s a better cook. Meanwhile, Ray’s idea of a traditional holiday at home becomes even more untraditional when the relatives opt not to watch football.

Warren……………….. ……….Robert Culp
Lois………………………………Katherine Helmond
Mel……………………………….Phil Leeds
Emma……………………………Pearl Shear

“Debra’s Sick” Episode #9612

Directed by Michael Lembeck
Written by Stephen Nathan

With Debra and the kids sick, Ray tries to juggle the responsibilities of home and work and ends up with chaos and an aborted meeting with ex-Pittsburgh Steeler quarterback Terry Bradshaw. Bradshaw, who is considering Ray as the ghost writer for his biography, agrees to meet with him at the pediatrician’s office, where Ray has an appointment for his kids. The meeting is cut short when their conversation is disrupted by screaming children. Then, when Ray realizes that he has brought the wrong twin to the doctor, he thinks he’s a bad father who can’t tell his twins apart.

Terry Bradshaw……………………….Himself
Doctor Hammond………………………Jack Blessing

“The Ball” Episode #9613

Directed by Jeff Meyer
Written by Bruce Kirschbaum

When Ray discovers, after many years, that the autographed Mickey Mantle ball he got as a kid from his father isn\’t authentic, he begins to doubt if anyone actually tells the truth. Feeling hurt, Ray decides to tell Ally the truth about Santa Claus. But when two familiar looking Santas unexpectedly show up at the house to surprise Ally, she\’s even more confused about the truth.

Andy……………………………Andy Kindler

“Who’s Handsome?” Episode #9614

Directed by Howard Storm
Written by Carol Gary

Robert is reluctant to go on a date because he’s insecure about his appearance, so when Debra tells him he’s attractive, Ray starts feeling insecure about his own looks. So, Ray decides to get a head to toe make-over to impress Debra, including a fake tan like George Hamilton.

Amy………………………………..Monica Horan

“The Car” Episode #9615

Directed by Howard Storm
Written by Lew Schneider

Debra, already annoyed at getting stuck driving the old car Ray bought from his parents, really gets upset when she discovers that is was his old “make out mobile.” Robert mistakenly blurts out that it’s the car where Ray first “got lucky” as a teenager. Imagining what might have happened in the car during its earlier life, Debra decides not to drive it again.

Lisa……………………………………Kristin Bauer

“The Game” Episode #9616

Directed by Jeff Meyer
Written by Tucker Cawley

When Ray and his family play a game of “Scruples” after their cable goes out and they have nothing but time on their hands, they find themselves arguing about honesty. To make matters worse, when Ray complains to the cable company about the disruption in service, he is informed that he has an illegal hookup — courtesy of his dad.

Cable Guy………………………Jon Manfrellotti

“Diamonds” Episode #9617

Directed by Michael Lembeck
Written by Kathy Ann Stumpe

When Ray discovers that the diamond in Debra’s wedding ring is a fake, he finds a way to steal the ring so he can replace the stone, unaware that she replaced the diamond with a real one after their wedding. Meanwhile, Robert, in an attempt to show is affection for his new girlfriend on Valentines Day, finds out that her favorite color is green and decides to surprise her.

Amy…………………………………Monica Horan
Barry Bonds……………………..Himself

“Recovering Pessimist” Episode #9618

Directed by Jeff Meyer

When Debra tries to change Ray’s pessimistic attitude about winning the “Sports Writer of the Year Award,” he agrees to change his ways and become more upbeat – – and suffers the downside of being the only optimist in his family. When Ray finally starts feeling good about himself and his recent accomplishments, his family is surprised by the change in his personality and accuses him of being a “bragger with a swelled head.”

Marv Albert………………………………..Himself
Katarina Witt………………………………Herself
Tommy Lasorda………………………….Himself

“The Dog” Episode #9619

Directed by Rod Daniel
Written by Bruce Kirschbaum

Ray brings home a stray bulldog that reminds him of the dog he had to give up as a boy due to his allergies, but his brother Robert bonds with the animal and the siblings then have to decide who gets to keep him. When the owner of the dog arrives at the Barones’ to pick up what turns out to be her prize-winning stud, she discovers that he’s been fixed and isn’t worth anything to her — but that means everything to Ray and Robert.

Phyllis……………………………Patience Cleveland

“Neighbors” Episode #9620

Directed by Jeff Meyer

When Frank’s late-night buzz sawing and Marie’s persistent meddling bother the neighborhood, they meet with Ray to discuss how he’ll inform his parents of their complaints. When Frank and Marie show up unexpectedly at Ray’s house, they assume that Ray planned the meeting to talk about them behind their backs. Feeling guilty for having the meeting at his home, Ray goes to confession to admit he broke a commandment – – the one about honoring thy father and thy mother. But when the priest hears who Ray’s parents are, he is absolved.

“Fascinatin’ Debra” Episode #9621

Directed by Jeff Meyer

When Debra is being interviewed by a psychotherapist for a book on the American family, the doctor discovers that Ray and his family are more fascinating, in a quirky way, than she is. When Debra complains to Ray that she is too “normal and boring,” he accidentally spills the beans to his family. Although the Barones feel that Debra lacks a certain flair, they try to make her feel fascinating, by pretending her daily routine at home is interesting.

Dr. Nora……………………………..Mary Kay Adams
Desmond Howard……………….Himself
Bartender…………………………..Lorraine Shaw

“Why Are We Here?” Episode #9622

Directed by Jeff Meyer
Written by Ray Romano and Tom Paris

When Debra gets fed up with Ray’s family intruding in her life, they both reminisce about how quiet life used to be in their old apartment miles away from his family. Ray reminds Debra that he never wanted to move closer to his parents because he knew they would make pesky in-laws. At the time Debra thought he was overreacting about his parents, until they moved across the street from the elder Barones, and Debra’s had to live with the consequences.